Right now, politically, so much is happening in the South. What has this moment of uprising brought up for you? Growing up in the south, politics is a point of tension — it scared me. And just to speak on the grief. To wake up somedays just in a rage, and understand there are ways I can channel that for change. I really just wanted to release one song in the beginning.
It was less intimidating to me to break things up. In the second part, I liken it to a bit more internal work. You put the seeds and you wait. And then there was a point and time where you harvest, and that was part three for me.
This project has felt like a labor of love between you and your friends. Art is completely meaningless without community. As soon as that happened songs started pouring out. It got too cerebral for me and I wanted a more communal and spiritual experience. I started working with Sarah K. Unsurprisingly the songs were written and recorded in a domestic setting. The triumph -- and beauty -- of the record is how specifically Hayley translates her psychological and emotional growth.
How do you mentally cope with that? Now she allows herself to feel deeply without judgement. Near the end of our call Hayley goes outside to check her mailbox. In her favourite story, Bluebeard , a girl is married off to a man who turns out to be evil, having slain many previous wives and kept their bones behind a secret door -- a door the woman eventually opens.
The beauty of folklore, of tales of running through the woods naked and drawing circles on the floor, is that its metaphors are open to interpretation. In Bluebeard , the wife is saved by her brothers who ride to her rescue and kill the husband. Hayley is still outwardly grateful for a lot these days, especially her two chosen brothers, Zac and Taylor. But she read that metaphor as the woman calling upon a part of herself that was capable of showing up and protecting her, of killing the villain of the tale.
We're fans not critics. Sign up for i-D's regular newsletter updates. How did you react? Are you kidding me? It all got dropped. It sucked. You were originally signed to Atlantic in as a solo star, but you fought with the label to let you pursue your goal of being in a band.
Did you understand the ramifications of being the only name on the contract? I thought I was smarter than everyone. It was a very empowered moment. My voice was shaking. I was crying. A boardroom meeting? Yeah, attorneys and shit. There was a bidding thing going on. It was the early s. Avril Lavigne was fucking massive.
Kelly Clarkson was on her heels trying to do guitar pop. Ashlee Simpson had signed with Geffen and is pop punk. Suddenly I was this prospect for a label.
My dad and my mom wanted me to be smart. I was so ashamed of myself for being the only name on the contract. It never mattered to me. I feel like the part of me that speaks on it is still The impostor syndrome stuck with you. What bothered me the most is people pitted us against each other as friends, as if I was masterminding some crazy plan.
This is gonna be a band after all! Fueled by Ramen was working with Atlantic, and we wanted to be on a label like that. Everyone was against me.
That was amplified in the press. Specifically when we came to the U. The U. Oh my God, yes. Did that or did that not help us during some of the slower years? After Laughter was such a sweet time. Especially for me and how depressed I was.
We enjoyed each other, we talked about this stuff. Zac [Farro] was able to talk to us about where he was when he quit. At all? At all. The first time I talked to him was when we were playing a headline show in Auckland during self-titled []. Zac was living in New Zealand.
We were in his territory. I was trying to take inventory of how that felt in my body. I was surprised I felt so proud. Out of nowhere. How did he respond? I was nervous to hang with him again. It was so life-affirming. Me, Taylor, and Zac sitting in a room again. They were the guys I hung out with when we were younger.
I would hang out with Taylor and Zac. With those relationships fixed, you went out on the After Laughter tour, but you had just begun the process of your divorce. What were you faced with when the tour stopped and you came home? I never took care of what was going to happen with my dog.
I left it because it was too painful to sort in the midst of a deafening sense of failure. I keep discovering ways in which it asks me how to work on myself.
I came home in August or September [] from After Laughter. Had I known what healing looked like, I never would have looked forward to it. I would have wanted to book another tour.
I assume you had to see your ex regularly to do that? Look, maybe some couples can do that. Not this one. I had to get therapy. I was having a lot of bad dreams. I still do. What are the dreams? My most memorable recurring dreams from childhood are all water related. I started to have a lot of those again. It resulted in me having panic attacks, and I ended up in a hospital.
When was this? Late It started to happen because I was in denial. I found a facility where I could go and be in a safe group or by myself and talk.
Talk therapy has been more important for me than medicine. Their experiences were carried down and not corrected or taken care of. I would say the feeling is mutual, but disregarding the mommy-made "Paramore's Cutest Fan" shirt, that kid doesn't look too happy Well, at least to Taylor Swift. I bet they sit around and watch Girls together. Sometimes they sing each other's songs. Whatever, feeling all the feelings also means you're "soulful," right?
I'm pretty sure no one else has ever been able to get their hair to do that. Yeah, Hayley, you go make that weird face on what is probably a red carpet.
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